Lost

Laughing with the kids
On sunny mornings,
Eating at a round table
With a view of the sky.

I know this is the path to you. Continue reading

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One Last Walk

It was winter when our paths first met. The fog aligned and settled itself around you; you in your beige sari, with a red shawl wrapped around your arms, blowing on the cup of tea in your hands. Even in 8 degrees Celsius you were looking so warm, so filled. Your eyes kept wandering to the little puppy playing around, and each time you put the strands of your hair, back in your bun, your cup would tremble in your left hand. I could see specks of paint on your fingers and a poster tube on your back. You were like the first dew drop falling on freshly cut grass, lone and grand.

It was raining when we first kissed. The drops were resting on your eye lashes, as they closed. I could taste the rain on your lips and it felt like ice cream in cold winter mornings. Nothing necessary, but completely exhilarating. I remember, how your bangles broke that day, and how it got stuck on my shirt, while you tried to lean away from me. We walked for a good four hours that day, the same path over and over again.

Sometimes I like to believe, that we all have different paths to take, each laid out in front of us in the shape of decisions we make. These paths lead us to many different places, and these paths separate us from many different experiences. We may be the ones choosing the path, but the destination is something nobody ever figures out. Sometimes these paths meet, collide and separate, and sometimes the collision results in an explosion, leaving all else in ruins.

Four years after, I’m back here, in ruins left behind. Only this time the sound of your nupur was missing. It felt deafening. I took my first step, on this path where I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve walked. But for the first time ever, you weren’t here.

It was summer when you died. I have failed to forget how you looked that day. We were driving to come to our path. To walk for hours again like we used to before. Your hair was open, and blowing in the wind. The smoke from your cigarette getting into your kohl lined eyes. Your smile had the softest shade of pink that day. The pink that got stained with my blood when the car crashed.

They say you’ll get over it. They say you’ll move on, to a different path, to a stronger path. But my path had stopped with you.

Sometimes, certain people pierce into your soul and never leave. They create this small little hole inside you and they reside there forever. Each time you’re with them, you’re gathering memories and storing them in the gentlest way you can, filling this hole. But once their presence leaves, this gaping hole inside, devours you from within. Destroying each fiber one by one. Stabbing you with each little moment, you had stored inside. But that is precisely why you must learn to let go.

That is exactly why; I’m here alone trying to walk off the edge. How can I possibly go on, when my path had ended before me.

One last walk wouldn’t hurt anyone right?

 

A Story of Love and Grass

“Bhai koto nise ?”
I turned around at the rickshaw going past us. I’ve stopped counting how many times people have asked that. People in the cities are apparently very curious. It wasn’t like this where I lived. I would stand and walk and poop and do my daily activities and nobody would even bat an eye. But here, everywhere people are staring at me. Am I some celebrity now? Have they never seen a cow? I admit, I am rather easy on the eyes with my red leather and shiny eyes, but don’t they know it’s rude to stare?
I’ve been walking for a while now. Sure I may have gotten a little bulky the last few days, but that’s only because master was feeding me too much, now, I may be naive but I’m not stupid enough to turn down food.

 

Mokhless liked my curves. He thought they were sexy. I wasn’t like the typical blonde beauty; I was and still am a sassy red head. Mokhless was the hotshot. We grew up together since we were little calves. Bulbuli and the others had an eye on him, but we were meant to be. Inseparable till the end. I wonder what he’s doing now. My precious Moo. He is such a sweetheart.

 

“Ei Lalu, beshi genjam korish na, gate er bhitore dhuk !” the man shouted.

 

What the hell? Do I look like a Lalu to you? I am a pure Sokhina. I can’t believe you would give me such a generic name just because I’m red and pretty. Humans are such dumb creatures. No fashion sense, they wear weird stuff. And the females. Oh lord. Painting their eyes with black ink and wrapping weird things around their bodies. I really don’t get humans sometimes.

 

I entered through the gate and they gave me more food. Why is everyone so keen on making me fat? What’s the point if Mokhless isn’t even here to see me? As the night draws in, I sit down and wonder what waits. Mostly wonder what Mokhless is doing. I think this is what love feels like. We haven’t ever been apart before you see. But master told us he was making us big and fat to sell us to the city folks. Master was a good guy and I don’t mind walking a few miles, even though I don’t really get what the city folks would want with us. But if Mokhless was with me, I wouldn’t be this lonely.

 

I stare at the stars above, only failing and my vision being stopped by a ceiling. What kind of lives do these people live? Locked up in little boxes with not a hint of grass in sight. Sigh. I feel bad for them sometimes. Ever since we were young, we’ve heard stories of these boxes stacked side by side. We’ve grown up fantasizing one day coming to the cities and living a rich and happy life. Our lives were black and white. We wondered what color felt like. They said this is where the lucky ones end up. I’m one of them. I wonder what awaits me. Only the new sunrise will tell.

 

Maybe the grass is greener on the other side.

 

How much was it?

He stood out in the cold,
Wearing a single shawl
Over his torn clothes.

Walking barefoot on the snow,
Entire body now almost,
In the state to fall apart.

He had no option
but to beg,
With No Food, No House, No Money.

He stopped near a Bakery,
The Smell of Fresh Bread,
Was something he couldn’t resist.

He walked in with a Hope,
To find some burnt food,
That the Boss would Offer.

As the hope weakened,
With Weak voice, He asked,
“May i have some Food, Master?”

The Master signalled at a Small boy,
A Normal boy of 10,
You would see Enjoying a Life.

But this boy an Exception,
Shivering in Fear, Slowly,
He approached, the Man.

The boy Addressed humbly,
“Beggars aren’t allowed by the Master,
Please leave sir.”

For food the Man Pleaded to the Boy,
Helpless himself, the Boy,
Had to Throw the Man out.

Finishing some Task,
Few days later,
For Reward, the Boy Rushed to Shop.

On his way back he saw,
The man he shooed away,
On the white Snow, Curled up like a ball.

The Boy neared him, to check for life,
Cold as the man was,
The boy realized, to Heaven he was Gone.

With Tears flowing all over his face,
He ran as fast as he could,
With tonns of Questions Rising in his Mind.

“How much is the bread?”
To his master,
In anger the little Boy asked.

Without a doubt, the master answered,
“Only Two pennies.”
The boy repeated “ONLY TWO PENNIES!!!”

Wasn’t his Heart,
As same as the Heart of Others?

Wasn’t his Cry for Hunger,
As same as the Baby crying for Milk?

Wasn’t his Blood,
As same as us All?

Was a man not worth 2 pennies?
Why was he dead?

For Life he wondered,
About the REAL COST of the Bread.
2 pennies or life,
how much was it?

Go Away

We fell in love,
each day I looked at you
I created a new world full of fantasy, in my mind.

you gave me the one thing I never had.

Hope.
Each day I would pray to the almighty,
I believed in him because one of the stories said his realm was somewhere above you. Each day, when I was about to cry, I would look at you.
You gave me hope.
It happened on the day I was walking home,
it was raining again.
Rain always made me sad,
I felt as if you were crying,
yet I walked with slow steps looking at the sky,
and that’s when I saw you strike,
a magical beam out of nowhere with a loud noise,
you destroyed,
my best friends house.
You were my daydream,
But I was wrong all the time.
You in real were a nightmare to humanity.
I stopped looking at you,
as each day passed,
I couldn’t stand the sight of you,
the sky seemed dull with you,
that’s when I realised, you were a parasite
A parasite, which dominated the sky.
years passed by,
I was finally used to being on my own.
But then I heard the news on television
how you created cyclones,
and floods in various places.
Millions lost their loved ones,
just like I did.
I misunderstood whenever it rained,
it was the cries of happiness not sadness.
You were mocking how weak humanity is.
My loathing soon turned to fear,
finally when I got married and had my own child.
Each day she went out,
walking beneath you,
I started hallucinating,
I started getting mad.
My husband left me,
my kids called me mad.
The psychologist said I was just afraid of you.
But little did everyone know,
how cruel you were.
Stay away from me,
you hollow molecule of water
you so-called cloud.
You are nothing but another form of the Satan

~The Poor girl running away from you~

Nephophobia

My friends looked up at the sky,
and yelled out to me
how beautiful you were,
how you made them wonder,
what a beautiful earth we live in.
But a fear crept inside me,
you were nothing but,
the spawn of the devil
as angel in disguise.
When people begged on a sunny day,
it should rain,
I begged the lord up above these
hollow molecules, to save me from you.
I loved the days when the sky was so clear,
I would be astonished at the different colors
the sky could take, from blue to black.
So peaceful and so calm.
Yet like an eagle you soar away in the sky,
With everyone’s admiration,
but nobody sees the risks you carry along.
I didn’t loathe you from the day I was born,
I was foolish like everyone to look upon you and dream,
but one day out the blue,
you the white one, rained blood instead of water.
The Aircraft which hid behind you
shot bullets at my family
making me into an orphan,
each time you moved from one place to another,
you bring death.
The droughts, the flood.
Why don’t people notice?
how you show your true color
when you get angry,
and discharge lightning
to kill innocent beings.
you who bring the drought,
also bring the floods.
Why doesn’t anyone believe me?
as I look at you,
I see you,
the devil smiling at me
behind those innocent white patches in the sky.
The clouds. Oh, how much I wish you would leave the sky,
so i can live peacefully under this beautiful sky.
Some people say I am afraid of you,
but that’s not true,
I am not scared of you I am rather
afraid of what you can do.
Some even worship you,
but little do they know,
you don’t care about anything,
the only motto in your life is to destroy,
all the beautiful songs
how inspiring you are all down the drain.
You are just another thing
bringing humanity closer
to doomsday.
Please go away,
Please let me live in peace.
I know you want to kill me like my family,
but I will die one day,
all the sins I did will pay off
when some particles inside me reach you
and become one of yours.
That’s what real hell is to me.
~ The one who can’t escape you.

Crystal Clear

I walked towards him in long strides, visually inhaling and exhaling in the hopes of calming my nerves which were in havoc. My cheeks, a shade of red which cannot be named. “Now or never”- I thought to myself as his lips locked with mine. They said,” love can neither be seen nor can it be heard. It can only be felt by the heart.” Yet, I wanted to feel more than the feeling itself. So, I kept my eyes open. I watched how his expression changed every moment; from shock to awe, from pleasure to that of pain as if he can’t get enough.

The bluntness of his feelings made me take a step back in a daze. “Is something wrong, Yumi?” His voice dragged me back to my senses only to be drowned by his eyes. Those eyes stitched a million unspoken words into a fine line. The depth of it scared me. They were wrong. Love can be seen in so many ways that it can be frightening to the extent that you can never return the same feelings. So, I ran. I ran and never looked back.

Thus, as I kissed another man after 15 years to seal our marriage; I closed my eyes. I closed them in the fear of finding the passion in his heart which would never burn in mine. I closed my eyes fearing he would notice that blank slate of a heart reflected through my eyes.