Afloat

How do I know if I’m human,
If this is what living feels like?
Everything is in my head.
I don’t know what I know anymore. Continue reading

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I bleed

I cut

I bruise

I writhe

and then I bleed.

I cry

I squirm

I suffer

and still, I bleed.

I bump

I bang

I crack

and quietly, I bleed.

Down the road, not across the street

Will I die or will I bleed?

Shadow

If there was a way to explain,

Words to describe,

Gestures to illustrate

This gnawing hollowness within me

I would

 

There is some entity

Nesting within my Cimmerian depths.

Taking upon a grotesque appearance;

A manifestation of nightmares.

 

Insomnia eats away at the nights

Sleep deprivation, the days.

Paranoia stalks from the shadows

 

Darkness lunges trying to trip.

Striving to inflict pain

And exults from victory.

 

Smaragdine expanses keep them at bay.

Even then whispers thunder

Deafening the fragile ears.

 

Wind shatters from sheer thrust

Rain pounds down to wash,

but fails.

Stains so black,

So melanoid refuses to fade.

 

Thick obsidian glass blocks view.

Barricades passages

Beware

You trend upon an obscure path.

 

Years of barren conquests

Futile conquests

But finally, the answer came to light

“Everyone has it, but no one can lose it”

 

Oppressed

Trapped within lead

Chained in potassium

Fragile but explosive

Alluring but corrosive.

 

The most sinful thing of all is

She loves the darkness that fills her

She lives on chaos

On destruction

For pain & sorrow.

 

However,

There was purity

Clear as crystal

Her love could breathe life

Her care could heal wounded & broken

Her will could cleanse

Her passion could raise lost souls

 

Concoction of all these gave birth to

A girl

A girl with a crown of roses and thorns upon her head.

With mellow brown eyes

Those that would fade to a shade of platinum

Or darken to jet black veined with red

 

She is the entity living within

Breathing the same air

Blood flowing through the same veins

 

“Everyone has it, but no one can lose it.”

A Shadow

*sigh*

That girl, the entity?

That girl is me.

~Qurratul

Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy

Sometimes I wonder if it’s all just a sick lie.
Everything around me is an illusion.
People around me are holograms.

I wonder if I will wake up someday with a start and realize none of it was true.

All these people I’m meeting and getting acquainted with.
All these events I’m participating in.
All these activities that I’m doing.
All these smiles and laughter.
All this love and heartache.

All these memories.

What if it was all just a sick game.
A bittersweet lie.
Some virtual reality stimulation.

Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, otherwise commonly known as Broken Heart Syndrome.
That would be the first thing I’d be diagnosed with.
And that too in a severe form.

Who knows.
Maybe, just maybe, these things won’t be snatched away brutally from me.
It won’t be ripped apart from my heart.
It won’t be extirpated from my mind.

But then I have no control over what this world, this life, more precisely holds for me.

All I can do is go along with the flow like the streams flow through rivers then finally out to the ocean.

Going against the grain is worthwhile, yes, definitely.
That would explain the wounds and burns I bear on my mortal body.
~Qurratul