*Lyrics in Italics are from Blackbear’s Girls Like You I completely twisted the meaning. No connection whatsoever to the song so feel free to ignore those parts .*
Give me your forever, or at least just for a while
I touched her fingertips. They were so soft, so foreign. Unlike anything I’ve ever touched before.
Give me never ending, or at least give me a mile
It felt like forever. I was in a trance. She moved in a way that bewildered. She was unlike anything I’ve seen before, yet somehow the only thing that was even remotely similar to me.
Give me happiness, or at least give me a smile
She smiled at me as she walked past and grabbed the fruit. Her slender hands gently wrapped around the crimson of the flesh as her nails dug into it. The juices oozed out as her tongue touched the inner soft white center, hair covering her porcelain cheeks.
I brushed my fingers through her hair as they clung to the sweat trickling down her forehead and she dove in for a bite. She was divine; the fruit fell from her hands as my teeth bit into her lips.
Give me forever for a while
The ground beneath us disappeared. Everything was turning into this horrid blue, swirling around us, as her lips snatched away from mine, and her gaze too afraid to lock into me. I looked at her as the blue engulfed her in a womb as she crouched against her knees, eyes steady now.
Deep and infinite.
Staring into me.
Yearning onto me.
Lust filled me up from inside. The bones in my body stiff, the fingers of my hands clenched as she disappeared.
It took me a while before I realized everything was turning hazy around me. Hazy and green. Hazy and yellow. Hazy and all these colors I had never seen before. This was fear. I didn’t care before, when she was with me. Now that she’s not I realized what I’ve done.
Swear to God I’m a sinner in a church, burnin’ up for you
What have I done?
I closed my eyes as I felt something inside me sink further and further and it was not the most pleasant of feelings.
With my eyes closed I could still taste the touch of her lips and the feel of her skin. But there was something inside me that was stronger. Remorse.
Swear to God she’s a blessing and a curse
What did she feel I wondered? I wanted to feel her still.
As I opened my eyes I was a new being. There were grains of wet dirt stuck to my feet and not another movement in sight.
I turned and turned, dumbfounded.
I looked around for her.
I looked around to fill this weird void inside me.
What is this place?
There were enormous skies and golden stars that shimmered through my eyes. I pressed one foot forward in front of me, and then the other as the dirt pierced in between the gaps of my toes.
I couldn’t figure out what was happening. This was nothing like our ship back on Andromeda. I’m assuming this isn’t even the same galaxy. The atmosphere smells different.
I sat down on a rock and tried to think my way through. Our ship is a strict one. We have things called rules, and ours has many different species residing in one. Usually species of a similar kind gather together, but then there are the “misfits”. Some of us don’t want to spend all our neuron impulses thinking about how to expand our base. There are types like us in all the galaxies and they are sent to our ship to live as we want. We are few but each different in our own ways. But unlike the other ships, some of us have something called will. Or at least that is what I’ve figured out. I don’t usually communicate with the other ones. Most aren’t interested and the smart ones control the ship. They’re the Head. You can’t talk with the Head.
The Head thinks “will” is just a random anomaly. Some neurotic mutation inside that makes our kind act different, “rebellious”. When we do, we’re sent off to different wanderers to test the waters. Wanderers aren’t like our ships. They don’t have controlled environments and behave entirely on their own. But we’re “expanding our horizons”. Someday this may be home.
Now, what the head doesn’t realize, or I think refuses to realize is that will exists. We behave abnormal because some of us can. Like I did. It was very unlike me. It wasn’t intentional but I wouldn’t say I didn’t want to do it. I had never felt anything like “lust” before. She was the first one of my kind I had ever laid eyes on. In fact it was the first time I ever had such strong urge to do anything.
We don’t mate. We don’t need to. The number of our species is constant. I guess what I did was unnecessary. Unnecessary action goes against the rules. By deduction therefore, I must’ve been sent to a wanderer.
I have to survive on my own now. Not that I had help before, but back home we didn’t need to survive. We just did.
I don’t know if it’s the environment or if it’s part of the punishment, but I feel all sorts of new things.
But first I need to fill this void.
I got up and walked until I came across this fluid body on the ground. I know what it’s called but I can’t remember. Loss of memory is apparently part of the punishment.
Instinctively I lowered my head into the fluid body and let the fluid go in through my nostrils. I jerked up, gasping for air. No, that’s not right. I opened my mouth, and tried again. Yes, this time I felt the fluid penetrate through my pipes. It was rather sticky. I put my fingers through the fluid and saw something transparent wiggling in my hands. I wondered what it was. Curiosity feels new to me.
This void is swallowing me whole from inside out. I walked and walked until I came across things I could put in my mouth. My thinking capacity was slowly turning into spatial skills. I could feel it happen. It left a weird sensation through center of my eyes. Pain.
I also had this unnatural bulge appearing in my stomach. It was wiggling inside me like the transparent liquid from before.
I found something like I had bitten into before. But I couldn’t remember what it was called. It was similar but somehow different and it calmed the hole inside me. I was slowly becoming anxious and I walked around more and thought less and less.
I still wanted to see her.
As I could see myself less and less, and the something above me began to twinkle I felt this weird urge to lay myself down and I did. I was doing everything I felt like.
I completely forgot everything for a while.
When I was alive again there was something in my head; shining through. I looked up and I could see again.
I walked and walked and stopped only when the round thing on my body moved too much. It was becoming bigger.
All I did was walk till I couldn’t see and then for a while I would forget everything.
When I couldn’t walk anymore I just lied and stared at the things that twinkled up above.
I put my hand up against it and watched the sticks on it wiggle. I couldn’t remember what they were called.
Where was I? Why did it feel so different? Isn’t this home?
The thing inside me had grown out and was beginning to take shape. It was still with me, and I couldn’t move because of it. It moved in its own way. It tickled.
I opened my eyes when I felt something pulling me. It was her.
There were twinkles on her head and they looked at me as the curve on her turned up. I felt warm for a while. I felt like home.
She gently grabbed the thing and ripped it apart from me as if she knew exactly what to do.
I felt water drip from the holes in my head.
I kept looking at her. Unable to move. Unable to think.
She was nice. She was hazy.
She was the only one.
I felt a pang in my gut. For a moment everything came back and I realized I was dying. I felt one last feeling inside me spring to existence, as I looked at my offspring in her arms. I felt hope for our species and wished they would make this wanderer our home.
Give me forever, for a while
Give me forever, for a while