Rudder

My life is sad.

Before you click away thinking that this is another melodramatic confession of a lovesick emo 12-year old, don’t. My condition is worse than that. What am I suffering from? Nothing. Yes, that is my problem. I feel NOTHING. Nothing motivates me, indulges me, horrifies me. I don’t feel affection, or hatred. But what I lack most is my sense of direction. I can’t find the way that’ll lead me to my goals. Because I have none. I’m just a parasite, living off of my parents’ legacy, showing them false dreams of my future success. I’m sure I won’t have any. How can one be successful if one doesn’t know what he wants? If my life was a movie, some divine deity might show me a path through a 3D hologram or a letter in a bottle. But it’s not. How I wish it was! So yes, my life is sad. It’s sadder than the ones people lead in poorer conditions. Because even they have an urge to do something with their lives- whether it be work to earn enough to buy their dinner for the night or putting their children to school. I envy them. Yes, me, lying on my expensive bed and dark blue bedsheets, envy them. Because I want to be alive. I want to feel.

I want to succeed.

Will you show me the way?

 

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3 thoughts on “Rudder

  1. You need to use tags and pictures. I have said it to other members a hundred times. Please use tags and pictures. Otherwise it is useless to post if no one is reading your stuff.

    Other than that. Nice post.
    I find it weird that you said you literally feel nothing and then say it is sadder. How can you say its sad if you don’t feel anything ? đŸ˜›

    Like

  2. @adilahnaf , I’ll take a moment to say I wish I’d seen this sooner.
    A few months ago I was so happy. I was winning the world. Things were going so well. But I’ve felt the way you feel too. Empty. Devoid. Unfeeling. It’s not that I don’t want to feel. I just can’t, because of the underlying fear that I’m going to let everyone down. Everything feels like a waste of time, but I don’t know what else to do.
    You’re definitely not alone.
    Maybe it would help to spend some time on things you enjoy? It works for me. I take some time out of the daily routine and crochet something or write a short story. Or read something really great. Maybe you could spend more time with friends? The key is to feel better. Above all, pray and calm down. Sometimes fate has other things in store.
    I hope this helped. I really didn’t know what to do when I felt this way, but I prayed and things feel better now. This will work for you too, In Sha Allah.

    Liked by 1 person

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