I realized I am not the only person who wakes up during ungodly hours only to reflect on his/her life. I also realized that there are others who would wake up and try to fall asleep again and again just to go back dreaming the same dream they dreamt when they were asleep.
I understand how it feels when your life is not okay. When it is not satisfactory , remarkable or fulfilling enough. When it seems worthless but you cannot do anything about it. When you’re as good as a zombie and feeding on resource but doing nothing to pay it back or do anything for its renewal.
I know how it is like. Not being able to fall asleep. Thinking about the same thing over and over again as you shift uncomfortably on your bed. Reflecting on your days and how it could have been better. How you could have done better.
I know how it is like. Waking up late. No one waiting for you to show up. Knowing that it is going to be one of those days, like everyday. Days that promise nothing exciting in the end.
I have no idea how it feels like to be expected. To have expectations. To fulfill. To be fulfilled.
I do not know how it feels; the touch of warmth.
I have no idea how it is like to be flawless. To not make a mistake. I have no idea at all…
Even though I am wide awake, I feel, that I am dreaming one of my worst nightmares again. The place where nothing happens. Nothing at all… No monster chases me, no ghost to scare me, no assassin to stab me, no one to push me off the cliff, nothing to entrap me, nothing scaring me. It’s just pure darkness and total vacancy in there.
A place where nothing awaits me and I await nothing.
People like us, we need to find each other. For we are the only ones we have. Among the darkness we wander, hardly coming across each others path. But surprisingly enough, we are in the same room. We just need to try, instead of lying in the corner where we are left. We need to seek each other out. Follow the traces of warmth. Embrace its source. Call out to each other. Whatever unites us. To survive in this lonely world, everyone needs company, eventually. Old or young. Everyone needs support. To have someone waiting for you. Someone expecting you. Either it is disappointment or approval, there needs to be something.
Our pages must not be left blank.