‘Holy Moly! Ted, look! ‘
‘Look at that chick Ted!’
‘Whats wrong with you Barney? Why can’t you just once be serious and actually help me find the Slutty Pumpkin?’
‘No, no, no. I should be the one asking; “whats wrong with YOU?”. Look around. These chicks are AIESthetic! Like they tumbled down from tumbler itself! Hmp! Fallen Angels! The only exception is that they are as naughty as the devil!’
‘Pfft! Your “fallen angels” are nowhere close to my Slutty Pumpkin!’
‘How the hell, Ted, how the hell can a pumpkin be slutty?’
‘ Ohhh you’ll know when you see her’
Barney let off a sigh. He had given up on his wingman to ever be able to get laid. At least he had Robin. So, he went to find Robin to assist him in getting laid. When miraculously, Ted had finally found the slutty pumpkin. Mixing herself the same Kaluha Cocktail she made the last time. Fearing that it was Barney in that pumpkin costume, he went over to complain;
‘Come on Barney, it’s not funny anymore!’
‘Who is Barney?’ asked The slutty pumpkin as she turned around to show herself.
Ted could not believe his eyes. He had finally found the REAL slutty pumpkin after several years of waiting in the same Halloween party again and again! He had won the bet against barney. He looked around for him, both excited and anxious to rub it in his face.
‘Who are you looking for? Barney?’
‘Yes, but actually… I was looking for you.’
‘Me? ohhh heyy, you are the guy with the hanging chad!’
Ted was about to say something romantic until Barney barged in.
‘ Ted, I forgot that I had that argument with robin that I am not Canadian!,
Oh hey, sexy… you must be…. THE SLUTTY PUMPKIN! TED YOU FOUND HER, OH YOU BASTARD YOU DID IT!
The slutty pumpkin was upset, ‘ The slutty pumpkin? Is that what you call me in front of your friends?! And here I was thinking that I finally found a nice guy. All men are eventually the same. Jerk!’ She stormed off before Ted could stop her.
Just one sentence from barney and it was all ruined!
‘Come on now, now that you’ve met her, lets hit on that chick over there who has a ME on her ‘TO DO’ list of . Gosh shes naughty!’
‘ You sonovabich!’
‘ whoa, whoa, whoa, relax!’
‘Im going to get her back. And after I’m done getting her back, I’m gonna deal with you’
‘Come on now Ted, don’t be so boring. Listen now, we are gonna hit on that chick and we are gonna get laid. Its going to be legend- wait for it… Say it, say it….’. Ted left.
Ted ran after her and before he could stop her, she went into an alley behind a bar. He was not going to give up. He had finally had his dream come true and he was going to complete it. He was willing to chase her to the end of the world. At least that was how he felt at that moment.
When he followed her into the alley, Ted saw the slutty pumpkin standing against a bright light. Her silhouette was not the shape of a slutty pumpkin anymore. It looked much scarier.
‘oh you’re here, look i am sorry okay, i did not know what your name was and i lost the number you gave me and I’ve been waiting for you all this time…’
‘Ted… ‘ *sobs*, ‘Ted….’ *sobs hysterically*
‘hey, hey, its aright, i am here, don’t cry…’ Ted was about to hug her until she shouted at him
‘DON’T YOU DARE COME CLOSE TO ME!’
‘HOLY SHIT! WHATS WITH YOUR VOICE, OH MY GOD YOUR EYES, are those ‘glow in the dark’ lenses? SWEET! Look, lets get back to the party, with that costume you are definitely going to win the contest!’
‘Ted….would you…would you hold me? please?’
‘Um, sure, Why not? But hey, erm….Nevermind’
For a moment, Ted hesitated. He was not so willing to get close to her anymore.
‘Ted..whats wrong? Come closer’ her voice…Twisted..
‘erm….uh….okay… here i come…brace yourself..’
‘OH COME ON ALREADY’
‘ah okay im coming!’
Slowly, Ted approached her… he put his arm on her shoulder, then his other arm and finally wrapped them around her body. She was surprisingly cold. Colder than she should have been. She slowly placed her ice cold lips on teds bare neck and started to lick it!
‘hey, haha, hey stop! it tickles! stop stops! im dying from laughter!’
Ted wrenched her away from his neck and he instantly felt a burning sensation. Blood was leaking from two holes in his neck!
He pressed a hand on those punctures on his neck and started screaming awkwardly.
‘AAAAAAAAAAAAA, YOU BIT ME! what the hell was that for’
The slutty pumpkin, thirsty for blood, plunged at him! He some how shoved her off him and ran out of the alley and into Mclarens.
The announcer was about to announce the winner of the contest and then he paused and took one look at Ted.
‘Wait! I have changed my mind! The winner of this HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTAYY IS, TED MOSBY, THE VAMPIRE BITTEN VICTIM WITH A HANGING CHAD, So realistic!’
‘what the hell?’ thought Ted
‘Ted is that you? Naise update on that costume. Weren’t you supposed to go after that slutty pumpkin? LOOK WHO GOT LAID!’
Ted was literally losing his mind, he stared at everyone around him, they started smelling like wine and he was thirsty… He made his move on the chick beside Barney and everyone went nuts!
Ted woke from his slumber, panting, relieved that it was just a nightmare. It was halloween that day. He dragged himself to the bath room half asleep. As he washed his face, he noticed that there were two puncture marks on his neck!